Still around

Damn! I’ve been gone so long that now WordPress looks all crazy different. There’s no big special reason I’m not posting. Mainly I’m just my normal neurotic self, and worried as always that the happenings of my life are too hum-drum for most people to want to read. Plus, let’s face it, I’m kind of a lazy-ass.

So what have I been doing with my time these days? Well, of course, most of it is gobbled up by work. And because of the nature of the work that I do (and the fact that it’s me), a good chunk of it is also spent worrying about work. But there are new, much more exciting things to worry about these days. I’m moving! It’s official! I’ve hinted for months about a possible career change, and it’s actually happening. I decided sometime in September that I wanted to pursue teaching. It’s really been germinating in my mind forever, and although my career path took me to it in a roundabout way, something clicked over this fall and it was time to actually make the jump. I enrolled in an alternative certification program, took my content exam in December (it’s English Language Arts 8-12, big shocker!) and passed, and have been sending out resumes and transcripts like mad for the past month. Teacher contracts obviously don’t end until after the school year, and resignations/transfers/etc. take a while, so I’m in the same position as the dozens of student teachers I work with: waiting, waiting, waiting.

But while I wait, I’m hitting the road. It might be a surprise to some, and more of “it’s about time” to others, but I’m pursuing this process not in Ohio, but back home in Texas. It’s a decision that I’ve struggled with, believe me. On the one hand, I’ve got a second family up here. I love the seasons. I’m an Indians fan now, I can drive in snow, I think Cleveland is charming. I know how to layer and think that 55 degrees is pretty darned warm. I’m not a Buckeye fan or anything (yikes, perish the thought!), but in a lot of ways, I’ve become an Ohioan. On the flip side, though, there’s the miserable winters, the distance from home, the relative scarcity of decent Mexican food. The job I’m growing to hate. The $350 plane tickets, and the homesickness that never went away. And, of course, my nephew. Cursed hellish summers and backwards redneck politics aside, it’s time to get back down to the Lone Star State. Houston is a hip town, there are over 30 school districts in the county, and they pay pretty well.

I’m terrified and stressed (shit, I practically had a breakdown when I had to move across campus, for heaven’s sakes!) but at the same time, I know, just know, that this is the right thing. A new (non-campus!) apartment, mom nearby in case of meltdowns, getting to see Tony’s first steps. And a career that feels right. We’ll see how I do after a few months in the field–I imagine there will be struggles and frustrations–but at the very least, I know that I’ll get to go home at the end of the day. I won’t have to do things like clean up vomit or do suicide watch or watch a student be led from his room in handcuffs. Or a gurney. I don’t regret the seven years I’ve spent doing what I do, not for a minute. But I know that if I do it much longer, I’m either going to lose my mind or wish I had.

For every part of this crazy move that I’m worried about (will I ACTUALLY get a teaching job? Am I going to have to work in food service to make ends meet this summer? The bugs! Ick!) there’s something else to get me excited. Free nights, no duty! Decent paychecks. Access to excellent food. And a much more appealing pool of 30-something men to draw from (no disrespect to Ohio, but most of the really good ones tend to get out of here…). It is in my nature to focus on the negative, but believe me, I’m working hard to combat that.

Tonight I booked a moving truck. Ney-ners has volunteered to do the cross-country trek with me. I have to send in my lease application by the end of the week. This is actually happening. Holy crap.

To the folks who still check in on this blog: thanks for reading. I’m going to try and document the impending anxiety, so don’t give up on me!

Countdown: 40 days!!! Here we go.

Itchy

Something I’d happily forgotten about Texas summers is the onslaught of bugs. Don’t get me wrong, we certainly have our fair share in Ohio–I get an ant invasion every time the temperature goes below 35 (apparently my basement apartment is quite toasty), and we have these gross fuzzy caterpillar things that spring up all over the place in June. But I’m telling you, down here it’s relentless. Little black gnats, crickets everywhere, and, of course, the mosquitos. And apparently they find me absolutely delicious, because at last count I have about fifteen bites on my feet and ankles. Ick!

In other news, I’m happy to report that my sis and I are speaking again. There was no discussion, no closure, no epiphany on either side. She just called one morning and asked if she could come along on my shopping adventures that day. End of fight. That’s just how it works with the sis. Her temper is like a tropical storm–you see it coming, and yet you’re never quite prepared…and after it blows through, things are so calm you’d never guess anything happened. It’s impossible to hold a grudge, too, especially since the baby has dropped and she walks as though there’s a bowling ball between her legs. I’m telling you, any minute, aunthood! Her next doctor’s appointment is on Monday and I’ll be very surprised if we don’t have a baby by the end of next week.

I’m feeling a little weird at the moment. A lot of things are swirling around in my head and making it extremely difficult to be at peace. To start with, there’s the job. I’ve been doing what I do for six years now, and I’ve learned a lot. I know in my heart it’s time to do something new, but what? My dreams involve things like going back to school for a PhD, starting a small business (a yarn store or a bakery, I think), or freelance writing. My reality, however, includes a car payment, student loan debt, a lack of business sense, and way too little in the savings account.

Second, I’m 28 and single, and my little sister is married and about to have her first child. Now, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made. I could have been married at 22 and on my third kid by now, and I chose freedom and refused to settle. I’ve gone from one dead-end fling to another, then thought I’d found my soulmate, gave up on that, and had a long-term relationship that just ended. I have come to terms with the fact that I only have so much control over when and where I’m going to find what I’m looking for. But shopping for onesies and bottles and knitting away at booties makes me ache more than a little. Perhaps the ache will go away after I change a few diapers or can’t get the kid to stop screaming.

Grr. On to more positive subject matter. I hit my favorite Mexican bakery, Panaderia Arandas, a few days ago…yummmmmm. I most certainly wll be making another trip before I head back north, and I intend to bring along enough deliciousness to stock my freezer and get me through the lean weeks until my next trip home. I may even bring enough for my friends. And I’ve finally loaded up some knitting pictures…granted, I’m not going to win any photography awards, but you get the idea:

This little piece of gorgeousness is my very first cardigan. Of course, it’s only big enough to fit a newborn, but isn’t it swanky? I was so damned excited that I threw in a pair of teeny tiny socks to match. For any knitting fools who might be reading, the pattern is Daisy, by the Yarn Harlot. Yarn: Sirdar Fair Isle, DK weight, 2 skeins (which was more than enough for the sweater and socks, with enough leftover to make a hat), on size 6 needles. The only pain in the butt was the sewing it all together, but don’t those shoulder seams look tidy?

The great thing about baby knitting is the instant gratification…this thing took about a week of evenings, roughly six episodes of Six Feet Under, to knock out. Now, I’ll admit, it’s a bit frilly for a boy. But he’ll outgrow it way before he realizes it. Or he’ll be blessed with great taste.

Next up, the Yoda sweater, which I think I linked to a few posts ago. This one is so cute that I need to figure out how to make one about sixty times bigger for myself. Slightly more complicated (those damn seams!), but it didn’t take long, either. I used RY Cotton Jeans and size 7 needles. Four skeins made the sweater with just enough leftover for a quick hat.

OK, a quick aside: I do realize the obvious, that it is June/July in east Texas, that the idea of a sweater is ridiculous, and that by December they’ll be way too small. And I don’t want to talk about it. There’s a baby coming, so I’m knitting. There’s no actual logic involved.

After these two, a slew of bibs, burp cloths and kimonos from Mason Dixon Knitting, and two hats, I was a little burned out on baby knitting. Now I’m on to felted purses and a shawl, which I’ll share some other time. This post is getting long, I’m getting tired, and my battery is about to poop out. Time to rest.

tough times in tx

Here’s the deal: my sister and I aren’t speaking. It’s hard to explain. Since I got here she’s been touchy, which is understandable given the eight-pound baby she’s toting around. But peace-sis touchy is not normal touchy. When she gets like this, the only thing to compare her to is a minefield. There’s no way to know when you’re going to stumble into heavy fire. Yesterday I asked to change the channel, which apparently miffed her, because when I got up to lock the patio, I heard the front door slam, and we haven’t exchanged a word since. We’re at a stalemate. If I express emotion, I’m being moody and need to be on antidepressants. If I disagree with her, I’m just a dumb single girl and I don’t know anything about being married and having children. Usually when this goes on, I apologize to make things easier on everyone, but I’m getting sick of being the doormat. So here we are.

Ick. When you live over a thousand miles from your family and don’t get to see them often, you tend to idealize them a bit, and get homesick, and think that five weeks together is a great idea. Then you get home and your sister explodes on you. It’s not that I’m sorry I’m here. It’s just that it’s not how I thought it would be…which it never is…so why am I surprised?

Anyway, not much else is new. I’m staying out of the heat for the most part, playing with the dogs, running errands, and worrying, of course. And lots of knitting. I’m working on my first lace shawl, and even though it’s a pain in the ass and I keep screwing up and having to un-knit and figure out where I forgot to yarn over, it’s coming along pretty well. I’ll try and get some knitting pics posted soon. And I’m messing around with the blog layout, so tell me what you think. I like this design, but some parts are a bit hard to read…any input is appreciated!
That’s all for today. Keep your fingers crossed that me and the sister of my discontent can work this out. It’s not a good time to fight, baby Tony will be here any day, and he shouldn’t have to come into a family full of passive-aggressive angst. We should give him a few peaceful days before we lay it on him.

I go out blogging after midnight

Forgive the title. I just realized it was after midnight and I thought I’d be cute. I’m down in Texas, home of the Alamo, HEB, Halliburton, Taco Cabana, and the Peacegrrl clan. It’s amazing how quickly I change routines when I’m down here. Because I don’t live down here, I get away with a fair amount of craziness when I’m in town. I wear things that I’d never be caught dead in up in Kent…my mom’s purple cardigan, the same t-shirt for four days, etc. I go swimming without feeling the slightest bit self-conscious. When I’m at home, if I don’t have anywhere to be I’ll sleep late and lay around all day. Down here, I’m up by 10 and itching to get out of the house by 10:15. It’s quite an adjustment to go from living completely alone to living with your mother, her neurotic dog, and next door to your VERY pregnant sister and brother-in-law. Speaking of whom, she’s huge, uncomfortable, and basically miserable. My nephew, as of last Wednesday, now weighs 7 pounds, 13 ounces…which was what I weighed when I was born! She’s having a c-section in early July and can’t wait. Me either. It’s amazing to think how much our worlds are going to change when suddenly there’s another member of the family.

So now a little backtracking. In the four days before I left for Texas, there was something like a whirlwind of shakeups. And I’m not even including the Sopranos finale in the mix. First life-altering event: the boyfriend and I broke up. This is no small thing and deserves a lot more reflection than I’m able to give it now, so more on that later. Next, I found out that I’m moving across campus–something I wanted, but still feels a little scary. New staff, new supervisor, new home. Losing the GA I adore. Then I found out that the person replacing me has a DRAMATICALLY different approach to, well, just about everything, than I do. I’m nervous for my old staff because the adjustment isn’t going to be an easy one. And the move itself…well, it terrifies me. I have to get rid of a lot of stuff, pack up my life, crate it across campus and unpack, knowing that I probably won’t be in my new home all that long anyway. Throw into the mix that I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends, who’s leaving for a new job, AND the Cavs got swept. What a week. No wonder I’ve been exhausted since I got off the plane.

So now here I am, in “vacation” mode. It’s not really a vacation, since I’m kind of taking care of everyone (well, at least trying…), but it is a major life shift for me. Mom has arthritis and threw her back out, and sister is eight months pregnant, and remember, this is the South…so suffice to say that things move pretty slowly down here. My pace is dramatically different, I’m restless and uncomfortable with the lack of drama, and I’m already worried about my re-entry. (Hey, I have to worry about something). Bleh. I’m supposed to use this time to chill out, decompress, and reflect. Does anybody know how to do that? Got any pointers?

I’ll stick to the knitting and reading to keep myself occupied and distracted. In knitting news, I finished a felted bag and I’m working on one for Ma…I needed a break from the baby knitting. Speaking of which, it was a hit, especially the hats and the yoda sweater. And once I got down here I realized that I hadn’t brought nearly enough yarn with me…so I ordered so more. It’s a sickness, I’m telling you. As far as the reading goes, once I realized I couldn’t use a Library Thing widget on wordpress, I relied on my extremely limited html knowledge to make a summer reading widget of my own…I do hope you like it.

That’s all for tonight, folks, it’s pushing 1am and time for bed, so I can get my nine hours before the requisite 10am wakeup. Back soon.

Ah…Texas.

All pictures courtesy of islegavia, who actually survived an entire week with me and my family (and we both came out alive!)

The Alamo…

…and the Alamo Crackers.

Me and my tacky Texas mug

Huntsville Prison…also known as The Walls

Big pecan (actually, it’s really just a big hunk of painted cement)

Only in Texas.

More about the trip–and my sloppy life–coming soon…

-pg