I didn’t mean to

Sorry about that unintended hiatus! I really, really didn’t mean to abandon this blog for so long. I’m not sure what happened. Time just got away from me once I wrapped up my time in Ohio, I guess! It went too fast. It was a whirlwind, and I’d like a few days of it back. I haven’t even really said the proper thank you and goodbyes that are deserved by so many of my friends up north. Before I knew it, Neeners and I were pulling up to my new apartment complex in Houston!

And now I’m here, back in the Lone Star State indefinitely. It’s a lot to get used to. I’ll bring you up to speed on the highlights of my Ohio to Texas transition. Here’s what I’ve been doing, in digest form:

• Surviving the heat. Every day I go to bed absolutely and completely exhausted, regardless of whether I’ve moved sixteen two-ton boxes around the apartment or simply sat on my ass eating Taco Cabana. It’s the damn 100-degree-plus humidity soup that I can’t seem to adjust to. Yet I realize that once mid-January comes and I’m basking in sunlight and my car is free of salt damage, I’ll be grateful for the change in climate.
• Looking for a job. This is a major pain in the ass. You apply, apply, apply, then interview, then call to follow up on the interview. Then start all over again. Some districts want you to call the principals directly. Others tell you not to call anybody at all–just send in the application and hold your breath. Some HR folks are super nice and helpful. Others appear to be very weary of human contact. The good news is that I’ve had several interviews and another coming up in the district I really, really want to work in. The bad news is that since I’m an ACP candidate in a non-critical-needs area (why couldn’t I have been better at science?), the job offers generally don’t start flowing in until late July and even early August. I hate not knowing where I’ll be working in just over a month. I hate having to plant seeds in backup-plan careers, just in case I can’t nail down a teaching job right away. I REALLY hate that I might even end up in a snotty suburban district my first year, just so that I can get my internship done and my permanent certificate. But I’m jazzed to go through my intensive training next week. And working hard to stay optimistic. You know it’s a challenge for me!
• Living with an infant. Baby Tony makes me want a baby of my own, then change my mind, then change it back around six or seven times a day. He’s taking his first steps and we just rocked out his first birthday party! We babysit a few hours a day while peacegrrl sis makes a living, which means I have to keep the knitting needles and yarn FAR away from Tony’s reach, which is no easy feat. But he gives me a good workout, and he really is ridiculously cute. I’m glad I’m just down the road, instead of a plane ride away.
• Living with my family…now that’s more complicated. It’s great having people around who care about you, it really is. My mom and I are roommates, and it’s the first time I’ve lived with her (or anybody else, for that matter!) in more than a decade. I like having company, and cooking for two (or five, since we have family gatherings a few nights a week). And yet. There was SOOO much I loved about living alone–the quiet. Nobody having an opinion about the choices I make. Being able to hop in the car and go anywhere without accounting for my whereabouts. It’s a major, major adjustment. Plus there’s my sister, who isn’t afraid to tell me how wrong I am about just about everything at any given time. And my obnoxious aunt, who, luckily, we manage to avoid most of the time. My brother-in-law is a quiet, calming influence over all of us, and Tony provides the entertainment. So really, it’s a good thing, being down here and close to my family. But I’m so used to being on my own that I hardly know what to do with so much support/criticism/suffocating love/etc.
• And on top of everything else, of course, I’m missing my friends. I miss our weekly gatherings and our bitching sessions. The great thing about moving thousands of miles away from your family is the surrogate family you inevitably find, and I have one amazing group of friends. There are so many things I want to thank them for that I’m overwhelmed and haven’t been able to articulate any of it. I can’t wait to visit and catch up, even though it’s only been just over a month, and even though, of course, it won’t be the same–so many of us have branched out and gone off to other things that I’ll have to visit a few states in order to touch base with everybody. But even that’s pretty cool, and something I love about my former profession–people scatter, which is hard, but then you have friends all over the country, so practically wherever you find yourself, there’s somebody within 100 miles you can meet up with.

So you see, in the midst of all that’s going on and my characteristic resistance to major changes (and damn, I sure piled on a bunch of them this summer, didn’t I?) I’m managing to stay relatively upbeat. I start my teaching classes next week, and then a few interviews after that, so I’ll have updates soon. Forgive my erratic postings, and keep reading!

Still around

Damn! I’ve been gone so long that now WordPress looks all crazy different. There’s no big special reason I’m not posting. Mainly I’m just my normal neurotic self, and worried as always that the happenings of my life are too hum-drum for most people to want to read. Plus, let’s face it, I’m kind of a lazy-ass.

So what have I been doing with my time these days? Well, of course, most of it is gobbled up by work. And because of the nature of the work that I do (and the fact that it’s me), a good chunk of it is also spent worrying about work. But there are new, much more exciting things to worry about these days. I’m moving! It’s official! I’ve hinted for months about a possible career change, and it’s actually happening. I decided sometime in September that I wanted to pursue teaching. It’s really been germinating in my mind forever, and although my career path took me to it in a roundabout way, something clicked over this fall and it was time to actually make the jump. I enrolled in an alternative certification program, took my content exam in December (it’s English Language Arts 8-12, big shocker!) and passed, and have been sending out resumes and transcripts like mad for the past month. Teacher contracts obviously don’t end until after the school year, and resignations/transfers/etc. take a while, so I’m in the same position as the dozens of student teachers I work with: waiting, waiting, waiting.

But while I wait, I’m hitting the road. It might be a surprise to some, and more of “it’s about time” to others, but I’m pursuing this process not in Ohio, but back home in Texas. It’s a decision that I’ve struggled with, believe me. On the one hand, I’ve got a second family up here. I love the seasons. I’m an Indians fan now, I can drive in snow, I think Cleveland is charming. I know how to layer and think that 55 degrees is pretty darned warm. I’m not a Buckeye fan or anything (yikes, perish the thought!), but in a lot of ways, I’ve become an Ohioan. On the flip side, though, there’s the miserable winters, the distance from home, the relative scarcity of decent Mexican food. The job I’m growing to hate. The $350 plane tickets, and the homesickness that never went away. And, of course, my nephew. Cursed hellish summers and backwards redneck politics aside, it’s time to get back down to the Lone Star State. Houston is a hip town, there are over 30 school districts in the county, and they pay pretty well.

I’m terrified and stressed (shit, I practically had a breakdown when I had to move across campus, for heaven’s sakes!) but at the same time, I know, just know, that this is the right thing. A new (non-campus!) apartment, mom nearby in case of meltdowns, getting to see Tony’s first steps. And a career that feels right. We’ll see how I do after a few months in the field–I imagine there will be struggles and frustrations–but at the very least, I know that I’ll get to go home at the end of the day. I won’t have to do things like clean up vomit or do suicide watch or watch a student be led from his room in handcuffs. Or a gurney. I don’t regret the seven years I’ve spent doing what I do, not for a minute. But I know that if I do it much longer, I’m either going to lose my mind or wish I had.

For every part of this crazy move that I’m worried about (will I ACTUALLY get a teaching job? Am I going to have to work in food service to make ends meet this summer? The bugs! Ick!) there’s something else to get me excited. Free nights, no duty! Decent paychecks. Access to excellent food. And a much more appealing pool of 30-something men to draw from (no disrespect to Ohio, but most of the really good ones tend to get out of here…). It is in my nature to focus on the negative, but believe me, I’m working hard to combat that.

Tonight I booked a moving truck. Ney-ners has volunteered to do the cross-country trek with me. I have to send in my lease application by the end of the week. This is actually happening. Holy crap.

To the folks who still check in on this blog: thanks for reading. I’m going to try and document the impending anxiety, so don’t give up on me!

Countdown: 40 days!!! Here we go.