Three very brief items of note

1. I adopted a dog this weekend.  Her name is Gracie, and she is an 18-month old Border Collie/Lab mix (apparently they’re called “Boradors”?)  She was part of an adoption drive at the movie theater on Saturday, and they told us that she was up for euthanasia on Monday (nobody wanted the older dogs, but every puppy found a home yesterday).  I don’t know if that’s true or what, but we fell in love with her, and found out that she’s house- and leash-trained (seriously, this dog hasn’t tried to chew a thing or made a single mess).  I think she’s decided that she’s going to adopt me, too, so it’s working out.  I’ll post pictures as soon as I get some decent ones.
2. I went out on a date tonight.  It went very, very well.  I like him.  He claims to like me.  He’s educated, gainfully employed, funny, a democrat, and likes sushi.  He’s also very cute and a lot taller than me, a huge plus.  I don’t want to jinx it.  Send me good vibes!
3. I am sick.  This year I’ve been sick more often than I’ve been well.  Now it’s a chest cold, and it’s bad.  I can’t breath very well.  I’m headed to the doctor first thing in the morning and I’m hoping it’s just a case of bronchitis, and not something more sinister.  Bleh.

That’s all for now–time for Gracie and I to head to bed, and for the mucinex to do its work.  Hope everybody has a great week!

Online dating and the zaftig girl

I recently discovered a fantastic blog about body image and weight acceptance, The F-Word.  Today’s post, about honesty in online dating specifically as it relates to size, really hit me, given where I am in my life.  If you don’t feel like clicking the link to check it out, essentially it talks about a man who went out with a woman whose photographs were terribly outdated and didn’t represent her body size.  He told her the truth, that he felt mislead and that he wasn’t attracted to her, but then felt like shit about it.  The post talks about the horrors of online dating and the idea of honesty and open-mindedness on both sides.  I connected so much with it that I had to comment…here’s what I said:

I’m a serial blind dater, and this column really spoke to me. I used to be very coy about the fact that I’m overweight;  I’d sneak it in once I was already communicating with someone via e-mail. This seldom resulted in any kind of successful relationship. These days I am as straightforward as possible in my photographs (I have the head shot, of course, but also a full-body picture that shows every bump and curve). I also include a description of my body type in my profile that is as honest as I can muster.

I, too, screen out anyone who specifies only “about average,” “slender,” and “athletic” unless their initial e-mail really impresses me. But I agree with you–sometimes you have to give people a break. We often think we know what we’re looking for, but don’t know it until we see it.

Two things about FATSO and honesty in online dating: first, why not be honest? I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t love me precisely the way I am. If I have to lie to attract him, not only am I debasing myself, I’m making it clear to him that I’m not secure enough about my appearance to simply tell the truth. I can’t possible expect a relationship to be successful if it is founded in any type of deception. Second, if one isn’t willing to be honest, then one shouldn’t be terribly surprised if they’re called on it. It hurts like hell to find out that somebody didn’t like you because of your size. But if you’d told the truth about it to begin with, you wouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, met with the guy, and had your feelings hurt.

I don’t give up on online dating because, for me, it’s the best way to connect with people my own age. But I acknowledge that being upfront and truthful is the only way to play it. Learned that the hard way!

Hope you’ll give The F-Word a read; I found it at exactly the right time and I have to say, it’s been helpful!

And speaking of blind dating, I sent the last guy (the one who never called) a quick “you’re off the hook” email, basically telling him that I honestly wish him good luck in his search and hope he finds what he’s looking for.  This morning, I had a lengthy message waiting for me, about how he didn’t mean to blow me off, he’s been busy, he really wants to keep in touch, he’s not just saying that, etc.  I responded back with “it’s all good, no worries” and then he came back with, “no, really, I really want to keep talking” quickly followed up with “only if you want to, though.”  Then “really, I mean it, here’s my e-mail address.”  This all came in the form of about twelve text messages.  I honestly have never had this experience before!  I can’t decide if my e-mail shamed him into apologizing or what.  Weirdness!!!  We’ll see what happens next.  I’m no longer invested enough to really care whether I hear from him or not, but I admit I’m intrigued by his insistence.  Men.  I just don’t get it.  Anybody have an opinion about what the hell this is all about?

Before I go…I fully intend to introduce a new “Project Runway Wednesdays” feature to my blog, since my posse of fellow fans is so far away these days and I’ve just got to dissect the show somehow, even if it’s rhetorically!  But I spaced out and forgot to watch last night.  I’ve got it DVR-ing when it reruns at 8.  So watch this space, I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow to spew my opinions on who’s IN or OUT.

Progress

So I hit a bit of a depressive low late last night…all of it, the move, the uncertainty, the rejection, the homesickness, you name it, came crashing down.  Luckily, peacegrrl mom was there to talk me through it.  This morning I woke up to the pouring rain of Edouard (by the way, didn’t they make a big enough deal of that thing?  Yesterday the grocery store was practically wiped out, all over a few hours of rain.  Oh well–at least my sister got a day off out of it…) and decided to start crawling out of my hole.  Since I’m worrying about a bunch of stuff I can’t control, and since feeling badly about myself doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere, I guess I should make a better effort to stop looking four steps ahead and just be.  Why is that so hard?

Anyway, I spent the day organizing and hanging up pictures and actually moving in to this apartment that I was so excited about, and yet have put so little effort into.  And I made serious knitting progress…

Behold…the back is finished!  Forgive the lousy picture-taking, but I was so anxious to show this off that I didn’t put a lot of thought into the photo shoot.  I’m amazed I’m making such progress on my first adult-sized sweater.

And I’m really proud of this…I managed to make the decreases for the armholes without completely assing

up the lace pattern.  Actually, that’s not quite true.  I originally DID ass up the lace pattern.  But then, after some swearing, I ripped everything back and fixed it.  And realized I hadn’t actually fixed it. And ripped it back again.  Luckily, the yarn was able to withstand the abuse.

I love the empire waste and the drape of the lace, but I’m not crazy about the short sleeves that the pattern calls for, so if there’s enough yarn leftover I might make longer, bell-shaped sleeves.  We’ll see.  I’ll just be happy if I can finish the damn thing without major mishaps!

On the man front, I’m doing my best to bounce back from rejection.  Another blind date might be coming up in the near future, and I tried last night to exercise my flirting skills (although I’m not convinced that I’m particularly good at flirting, or noticing when I’m being flirted with, for that matter).  I think part of flirting has to do with knowing that you’re hot, and when you’re feeling not so hot, it doesn’t quite come off.  That’s the part I need to work on.  I hate the way that I (and most women) tie so much of my self-esteem up in the external, instead of paying any attention to what makes me who I am and being okay with that.  It all seems far too dependent on the opinions of others.  And really, what makes me think that a few guys who don’t even know me very well are entitled to make that kind of decision for me?  All of this is very logical, and I want badly not only to believe it, but to practice it.  I guess maybe I really should start yoga again, or find some kind of faith base.  The spiritual part of me is so neglected that I’m starting to doubt nearly everything about myself these days.

Wow, that turned into a tangent.  And a bit of a breakthrough.  What would I be capable of if I just trusted who I am, right now, no changes, just me?  If I actually committed to being who I am, instead of constantly envisioning myself as this better person that I’ll become at some point in the future.  How does one do that?  Any tips?

Damn it all…

Awww, piss on you, accurate predictions.  Peacegrrl’s Law is holding steady.  Either this boy is SOOOO not interested, or he’s playing the “wait five days before you call to build the suspense” game, in which case he’s disqualified.  Bah, another one bites the dust.

It stings a bit.  It always sucks not to be chosen.  But I’m persevering.  I refuse to waste the pretty!  I’m headed out tonight looking hot, and we’ll see what transpires.  Not much else on the home front; getting ready for the tropical storm deal that’s out in the Gulf, waiting for HR to call me with the rest of the job details, chaufferring mom and my cantankerous aunt around Houston.  One more week of unscheduled time, and the grind begins!  I don’t know that I’ve ever been this excited to go back to work in my life.  The summer is getting stale.

Peacegrrl’s Law of Blind Dating

Here’s how it works:

During an initial blind date (the horrors of which I’ve mentioned before), the more I like the guy, whether it be due to physical attraction, stimulating conversation, or perceived chemistry, the more unlikely it is that I’ll ever see or hear from him again.

Conversely, the more turned off I am during said date, whether due to lack of attraction, awkward conversation, or total “get-away-from-this-guy” vibes, the more likely it is that he’ll call me within 24 hours wanting to know where our next date should be.

Shit. I like this guy…he’s smart, funny, offbeat, and doesn’t even give me the slightest case of the icks. Come on, universe, can you cut me a break and grant an exception? Pretty please?