Inward

So here’s the long and short of what’s been going on with me for the past two weeks or so:  teaching, home, sleep, repeat.  Throw in lots of dog-walking and a few visits to the hospital to see my aunt, and you’ve pretty much got the whole story.

Things at work are tough—regardless of how much I love my students (most of the time) or how much learning I want to accomplish, every day I learn a little more about how unimportant teaching is to the people in charge.  They want numbers, paperwork, statistics, and whatever else they can get to make themselves sound good.  The teaching, I’ve discovered, is secondary to all of that.  I can’t hold students accountable because I’m not allowed to give them the grades they earn (that’s a long, long story…google “Texas SB 2033″ for more on that shit.).  I can’t set high expectations for achievement because I’m not allowed to adhere to them (for example, I’m required by district policy to take late work no matter how late it is…which essentially defeats the purpose of a due date…).    And that’s just the beginning.  I don’t want to be disillusioned about this career.  Because it’s my second one.  Because I believe in teaching.  Because the students deserve the best that I can give.  I chose an inner-city school because I wanted to work with kids who desperately need good teachers.  And I expected the kids to be tough, yes.  I just didn’t expect the administration to be so willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how unethical or contrary to the purpose of education, to yank up its numbers and make itself appear to be doing better than it is.  Is No Child Left Behind to blame for all of this?  Where does this problem even start?  I want to be a part of the solution, but I have no clue where to begin.

So I’ve been a bit drained in the evenings, and haven’t found a lot of time (in the midst of my zoning out and dog-walking) to discuss anything intelligently.  There are a lot of questions floating around in my head at the moment (for instance, what should I be learning from all of the mini-disasters that have been popping up in my life lately?  Am I doing the right thing with my life?   Will I ever find some sense of balance?  Am I merely infatuated, or is love on the horizon?) that are certainly worthy of a post or two, and my hope is that this weekend (all three days of it!) I’ll get enough rest and free time to do some catching up.  In the meantime, forgive my brevity, but it’s almost 9pm and my bedtime is quickly approaching…